I know that I think about the girls every day. Every single day I miss them. I feel bad about the decisions that led to their leaving, agonize over what I could (and should) have done differently. Today it occurred to me that I think about them much more often than every day. I think it is an ache that will never leave me.
If we go back to the very beginning and bend over for the State, we would still have them. We would have all three of them and most likely would be adopting them. But I couldn't. My family couldn't. I am so grateful that it's over, and I'm glad that I didn't do it. However the hell that was avoided (does it seem possible that there was any hell avoided in our relationship with the state?) will result in the eternal pain of missing my girls.
I remember asking them all to look forward so I could get a picture of the girls that I would be able to blog. It is the only one I have of them that doesn't show their faces.