STUFF

We went this morning for Katherine's blood work and my ultrasound. The tech who did my ultrasound was the same woman who did mine two years ago with the partial molar. She had a student with her so while she isn't allowed to tell me what is going on, I got to listen in to every detail as she explained it. She mentioned an "internal apgar" and the baby scored perfectly. There is adequate fluid, she is head down, and we even saw the little diaphragm moving. You would think that I would feel much better after hearing that everything is normal, but I didn't at all.

I wish that I could get back that sense of peace I felt with Matthew's pregnancy. I knew that everything would be okay, and even if something wasn't okay, that would be okay too. This time I feel like every nerve ending has been frayed and I can't handle one more thing. I spend most of the day feeling like I am fighting tears...that sore eye feeling. Then every night I feel wiped, like I have spent all day crying.

I had hoped to feel better prior to starting labor; fully rested and not so emotional, but I am loosing hope on that possibility. I don't know what to do to refresh.

Last night I dreamed that I went to see the girls. The foster mother wasn't the one that they have, but a stereotypical too many kids type. She had on her "stories" and the radio at the same time. Kids were all over the place eating chips, and she was complaining to me that Amy had gotten sick on the first day of school from the stress. It wasn't a good dream. However if I had to bet I would say that both girls are doing well and settling nicely. They have been bouncing around all their lives and I think they have learned how to cope.

Regarding Katherine's blood work, I figured that I am happy that it came back the way it did, because now we are specifically testing her for something that would have remained in the back of our heads forever. This way we can finally know that she is cleared and we won't have to worry anymore.