About Me

I am the mother to 6 children and former foster mother to 2. I am passionate about whatever it is I am passionate about, until I change my mind. I dream big, plan big, and once in a while I even make it big. We are planning to take our freak show on the road. Join us as we embark on a new adventure!

Friday, October 19, 2007

BRAIN DUMP

I've been up since about 3 am. I just can't sleep. I watched some televisions, ate a piece of toast, and now I'm checking email. This is not good. Early morning sleep is the most precious to me and today is a day that I need to be well rested. The State workers are coming this morning to harass...I mean to do a walk through for my license that we can't renew because we don't have our training hours up to date and don't intend to prior to expiration. It's just another thing on the list that in all honesty is low priority wise now that we won't have any foster children here. I would like to be well rested when they come but it doesn't look like that is going to happen.

The girls are going for respite tonight which means I need to see the other foster mother. Also not on my list of things that make me happy.

Amy asked if she could have some friends over for a sleepover before she goes. I had to say no and I feel very badly about it. The timing just isn't going to work out, and the idea of having several children who I have never met here for an overnight with everything else going on is too far out of my comfort zone. I did tell her she could have the friends over during the day but that didn't seem at all appealing to her.

I'm stressing about packing them up to go. I don't have any boxes, and don't really know what clothes to send with them this weekend. I just need to do it because the thinking about it is making me crazy. Also worrying about things like bikes and how they will be transported.

Should I be writing letters to them to keep? How do you say goodbye to children you felt were yours that you most likely will never see again? I can't find my manual.

Despite rumors that we have a name for the baby and just won't tell, WE DON'T HAVE A NAME FOR THE BABY! I'm worried that the hospital is going to make me choose something before they will let us leave. I'm sure that technically they can't keep us, but I'm just not up for the battle. We need a name. Feel free to leave your suggestions here.

Katherine's costume isn't looking good. I have spent lots of mental energy on it but no physical energy so I'm not very optimistic that it will be done. In fact I'm quite sure that it won't be.

Noah's birthday is this weekend and I have NOTHING planned, despite his belief otherwise. For a cake he wants a jack-o-lantern make out of carrot cake. Please. How about a nice chocolate cake from a box? And really, it would be a miracle if I could get that done!

I did manage to buy and wash a car seat for the baby yesterday. And aside from having NO IDEA how it installs in the car with this new latch system I'm more prepared than I was 24 hours ago. Some baby clothes are washed and just need to find a bag or suitcase to hang out in. I have my cord tie, and enough diapers to get me through the first 15 pounds or so.

Speaking of weight, I'm freaked out about the baby's. I have always been freakishly huge when pregnant and my itty bitty baby was a mere 8 pounds 6 ounces. Matthew was 10 pounds 8 ounces. Big is what I am used to. This time, my belly is really small. In fact my belly button hasn't even "popped" out. I'm sure that the constant stress I was under throughout this pregnancy has contributed to the baby not being as large as I would expect. The doctor has tried to convince me that small does not equal unhealthy, but I can't shake the idea that it does. It finally occurred to me that the reason it feels like twins (or an octopus) is that the baby has much more room to love around than any of my other children have had.

At least I got a shower in. This will become very important in a few hours when the guys arrive to replace the furnace. I am told it will take 12 hours and the water will need to be off. YIKES!

3 comments:

Yondalla said...

If Brian, whose name is not really 'Brian' had been a girl he would have been named 'Bridget." There aren't enough Bridgets in the world.

Susan said...

Save some buckets or pots of water before they turn it off so you can flush the toilet. Also we were seriously considering girl names Claire and Camille. If we have another girl we may use one of them. I've got nothing for boys.

Innocent Observer said...

Bridget was the name of a friend who turned out not to be, and the name of my friend's dog, but it used to be a name I liked!

I also knew a Claire and Camille. I like the names but those people jump right into my head!

I like my grandmother's name, but Gary thinks it's too 1950's. Actually it's more 1930's. I can't think of anyway to use it that isn't the full name though. Sigh.