About Me

I am the mother to 6 children and former foster mother to 2. I am passionate about whatever it is I am passionate about, until I change my mind. I dream big, plan big, and once in a while I even make it big. We are planning to take our freak show on the road. Join us as we embark on a new adventure!

Thursday, December 06, 2007


Every morning i get into the shower and am reminded that I haven't cleaned the shower head like I meant to. Then I put on my glasses and remember that I haven't ordered my new lenses yet. Then I sit down and see my to do list from yesterday. If it was a good day I will have crossed off perhaps one out of ten things. Joshua missed the bus yesterday. It was after nine before I could drive him. That's just how things are right now. It will come as no surprise that I haven't returned the licensing workers call(s) yet, even thought it's on the list.

Yesterday she just dropped in to get our signatures. We signed and are good until March. I was happy that she popped in because I don't think I would have gotten back to her in time.

Then today she called because she needed more information. She had forgotten to ask if we would be comfortable parenting a child who was questioning gender identity. I said that we would not have a problem with that. Then she asked if we had ever parented a child who questioned their gender identity. No. This is where it gets interesting. She asked how we would support a G.Q.C. I told her that we would attended support groups, such as PFLAG.
"P. Flag?"
"Yes, PFLAG."
"P as in Peter?"
"Yes, PFLAG. As in parents and friends of lesbians and gays."
I find it really hard to believe that in all her years in social work she had never heard of PFLAG. Isn't that bizarre? What's more bizarre to me was I felt like she was pretending to not know what it is. What the heck?!?!

Gary and I went out to lunch today and had to wait some time to be seated. A couple walked in with what I would bet money on was their first child. She started to make small talk with me because her child was only a few weeks older than Molly. I engaged her for a few minutes, then turned off my friendly side. See, I have enough friends that I can barely keep up with, and honestly, I don't see what I could possibly have in common with this person right now. That made me think about my friend Jen (three to choose from!) and what a great friend she is and the fact that I met her when she only had one kid. So I felt a little bad about eliminating this poor woman based on her one kid, but then i remembered that I can't keep up with the friends who have already survived the grueling interview process.

While we were eating Gary brought it up, having noticed that I was not very engaging with the new mother. I explained that I just don't do people anymore. I used to make friends everywhere. There was a time when I would have left with her phone number. Now I just want to leave. I'm just not nice to people anymore. I don't know why...is it the stress? Am I just old?

I wrote about how the resident at the hospital went out of her way to come meet me, and certainly gave the impression that she would be open to a friendship. Gary was encouraging and told me that he had a really good feeling about her, and also felt that she and I would really connect. So I gave her my number, right? Wrong.

If I were reading this my first thought would be PPD, but this has been going on for some time and seems unrelated to the new baby. I think I might just be a bitch.

Gary and I were at the store juggling Matthew and Molly when an elderly gentleman came up to say, "You should have a few more!"
"Really?" I said, "Because I already have five!"
"FIVE?!?! Wow, I really misspoke, didn't I?!?!"


Yondalla said...

Oh my...I laughed. I had to read it to "Roland" and he laughed too.

I so know what you mean. I don't pay sufficient attention to my real life friends either. I can't get any new ones.

I just can't deal with any more guilt.

Tudu said...

I am at a point now where I have slacked off so much with my old friends that we have nothing in common anymore and getting new ones are impossible b/c how many people can put up with all of us? I joined a Mommy group and have NOTHING in common with them b/c they think I am weird for having so many kids.

Esther said...

Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog a while back. My blog has gone private now if you would like an invite. If you do, please email me at

Congratulations on Miss Molly. Boy you've got your hands full! ;o)

Hugs, Esther

Jen said...

"Grueling" interview process? Ha! I think your being there for my family during traumatic, life-altering event pretty much cinched it, you are NEVER EVER getting rid of me :D


Tudu said...

So now that you have a gorgeous new baby you have forgotten all about us. Well, I hope she is worth it. LOL Post more pictures so we can live vicariously through you.