Every morning i get into the shower and am reminded that I haven't cleaned the shower head like I meant to. Then I put on my glasses and remember that I haven't ordered my new lenses yet. Then I sit down and see my to do list from yesterday. If it was a good day I will have crossed off perhaps one out of ten things. Joshua missed the bus yesterday. It was after nine before I could drive him. That's just how things are right now. It will come as no surprise that I haven't returned the licensing workers call(s) yet, even thought it's on the list.
Yesterday she just dropped in to get our signatures. We signed and are good until March. I was happy that she popped in because I don't think I would have gotten back to her in time.
Then today she called because she needed more information. She had forgotten to ask if we would be comfortable parenting a child who was questioning gender identity. I said that we would not have a problem with that. Then she asked if we had ever parented a child who questioned their gender identity. No. This is where it gets interesting. She asked how we would support a G.Q.C. I told her that we would attended support groups, such as PFLAG.
"P as in Peter?"
"Yes, PFLAG. As in parents and friends of lesbians and gays."
I find it really hard to believe that in all her years in social work she had never heard of PFLAG. Isn't that bizarre? What's more bizarre to me was I felt like she was pretending to not know what it is. What the heck?!?!
Gary and I went out to lunch today and had to wait some time to be seated. A couple walked in with what I would bet money on was their first child. She started to make small talk with me because her child was only a few weeks older than Molly. I engaged her for a few minutes, then turned off my friendly side. See, I have enough friends that I can barely keep up with, and honestly, I don't see what I could possibly have in common with this person right now. That made me think about my friend Jen (three to choose from!) and what a great friend she is and the fact that I met her when she only had one kid. So I felt a little bad about eliminating this poor woman based on her one kid, but then i remembered that I can't keep up with the friends who have already survived the grueling interview process.
While we were eating Gary brought it up, having noticed that I was not very engaging with the new mother. I explained that I just don't do people anymore. I used to make friends everywhere. There was a time when I would have left with her phone number. Now I just want to leave. I'm just not nice to people anymore. I don't know why...is it the stress? Am I just old?
I wrote about how the resident at the hospital went out of her way to come meet me, and certainly gave the impression that she would be open to a friendship. Gary was encouraging and told me that he had a really good feeling about her, and also felt that she and I would really connect. So I gave her my number, right? Wrong.
If I were reading this my first thought would be PPD, but this has been going on for some time and seems unrelated to the new baby. I think I might just be a bitch.
Gary and I were at the store juggling Matthew and Molly when an elderly gentleman came up to say, "You should have a few more!"
"Really?" I said, "Because I already have five!"
"FIVE?!?! Wow, I really misspoke, didn't I?!?!"