VENT (with lots of cursing, I appologize in advance)

OMG! I am so waiting to be fired by the state. (Waiting, wanting...)

First of all, I had a full hour alone with the Evil Caseworker last week at the med meeting. She was very charming and we chatted the whole time. BIG mistake. Of course, right?

So this morning she left me a message confirming a meeting for this afternoon that I was never notified of. Whatever. I was able to be available so we had a telephone conference call. Needless to say, my blood pressure right now is through the roof.

They started pulling things out of their ass first. Things that were said 6 months ago, twisted, then proposed to be said in front of the kids. Here's an example. It's in the file that I say negative things about the kids, in front of other kids. I asked for an example and was told I said that Amy and Anna were MUCH better kids then their sister, let's call her Candy. What really happened? The first time I spoke with the manipulative (mean spirited, nasty) foster mother who had taken Candy on respite before I said that if they enjoyed having Candy then they would love having Anna and Amy because they were even better behaved and REALLY GREAT KIDS who wouldn't give them any trouble!" This conversation was on the phone, and certainly not in front of any kids. I thought that was something positive. Silly me.

The meeting only went down hill from there, with the caseworker saying I had refused to let her into my home. Turns out she was talking about two weeks ago when she asked to come over that night and I said, "the girls get home at 6". She said she would call between 7 and 8 and never did. Now her version is that she offered to come over ANY time that evening and I said there was no time that would work and she absolutely could not come into my house. Absolute freaking lie. There were several others too.

Here's my favorite. "Kerry, are you aware that the therapist has HUGE concerns about the way you handle food in your house and the strict restrictions that you have for Amy?" I replied truthfully that no, but I was aware that I had huge concerns about how I handle her food issues and asked her to refer us to a specialist to be sure that I was handling things properly, but that she was not as concerned as I would have hoped. I can't wait to talk with her tomorrow to see if she really does have concerns or if this is just another lie.

This of course led to a discussion of how we handle food in our home. I explained that they would both eat to the point of vomiting and having constant free access to food just wouldn't work for them, so I portion out plates and they are certainly able to get seconds and even thirds, but we do control portions, and if they don't like the choice they can choose something leftover from the night before or sometimes a sandwich, and certainly fruit or veggies anytime, and of course the non existent snack bin. I was told that I wasn't offering enough choices and that Amy didn't feel like she had any choice regarding food and she really needs to. HELLO!!!! THAT IS WHAT I SAID. IT'S MY FRIGGING CONCERN! I swear, anyone who knows me would know that it's one of my main concerns. I am always worried about how to keep them from gorging but allowing them to make their own food choices. And by the way, the thing that I have come up with on my own (without any help from the therapist) when they ask for something to eat is to ask them, "how does your belly feel? Are you hungry?" And honestly, with Amy I frequently hear, "No." With Anna, she is ALWAYS hungry. I was clear that I wasn't going to be offering anything more than I already do, as I'm not a short order cook.

They also brought up the conversation I had with Manipulative Foster Mother where I asked her to speak to me if she had concerns rather than report me to the state because most things could be resolved with a phone call rather than getting the kid all worked up about their allegation. This was reported as my asking her not to tell the state when I do something wrong. F U people. Even the GAL was worked up about this issue because a lot of the things alleged she could personally attest to them being untrue, and when she told the Manipulative Foster Mother that they had a tendency to lie, MFM got very upset and told me that the GAL was way off in ever saying such horrible things about innocent little children.

In the meeting they brought up the issue that we don't go to church and yet they say that we have to bring them. I told them we weren't able to do that. I didn't offer any alternative or compromise. I just said no. Waiting for them to say they had to remove them. Waiting. Say it. Just say it.

Then the even had the audacity to bring up my daughter's head injury from 6 years ago, something mentioned in casual conversation and wanted to open a friggin investigation about it. I hate these people. I really do. I am three weeks away from having a baby. They do not have a feasible plan for getting care for the girls when I am in labor, a HUGE stressor, in fact what I had planned on blogging about today, and then they call with this bullshit and get me all upset. What evil assholes.

Why am I doing this? Why?