HAIR HELL

I have a total aversion to having my hair cut. I don't like the experience and try to avoid it as much as possible. It probably has a lot to do with control issues (ya' think?) but I don't like being forced into conversation with strangers either...hairdressers always have so MANY personal questions! There is also a fear that they are going to find head lice in the middle of my cut and I will be forced to leave mid cut in shame. Can you just IMAGINE!!! Okay, so I have a few issues.

The last time I went I mistakenly told the woman with scissors not to be afraid of cutting it too short (she was leaving it way to long) so she took me at my word and gave me a buzz cut. You might think that I am exaggerating as I sometimes do, but just ask anyone who knows me in real life. I was ready for enlistment.

The buzz has FINALLY grown out to the point that it needs to be cut again, and it's been several weeks since I "fixed" it myself, so there really wasn't a choice but to go submit myself to the hell that is the haircut.

The woman with scissors wanted to know if this was my first baby. BAHAHAHA. (Here come the personal questions. Note to self: Answer every question in the affirmative and give NO follow up information.) She goes on to tell me that she only has one child born to her (after she had a stroke and misunderstood her doctor telling her NOT to have children to mean that she was infertile) and a man who is a paranoid schizophrenic with 23 felony convictions. Said child has oppositional defiance disorder and has already done several stints in psych hospitals , but I digress. No reason to poison your brain as well.

So she starts cutting and thinning with those DAMN scissors at the same time. I tell her how much I DO NOT LIKE my hair to be thinned out. She keeps going with the damn thinning scissors. I keep telling myself INSIDE MY HEAD how much I LIKE it when my hair is thinned out and I must just be forgetting. Just when I think the thinning is over she gets out the thinning RAZOR and takes a HUGE CHUNK out of my right side. I remind her that I DO NOT WANT MY HAIR THINNED OUT and she tells me that it's the scissors that I don't like, the razor isn't as bad. Let's keep in mind that she has already attacked me with the scissors for a good 5 minutes. I assure her that it's the EFFECT that I dislike, not the method. I explain how much I DO NOT LIKE the chunky, cut by a five year old with safety scissors that sticks out in every friggin direction look. She keeps cutting. It is actually causing pain as she shops huge chunks of hair off and she agrees that thinning out hair makes it stick out in every direction. And yet she doesn't stop. I did not MAKE her stop because once she cut that first HUGE chunk out I felt it was better to be evenly scalped. Ugh.

So why don't I have a regular "girl" like normal people? It all goes back to 5th grade and it's a long story. What does this have to do with my hair? Well. I found a hairdresser years ago that I just adored. Her prices were very reasonable and she was nice enough, but she always listened and did what I asked with my hair. For a long time I would just make a new appointment with her before I left. Then one day I was rushing and didn't make another appointment. I called and called to get one but she never called me back. Finally I had to go someplace else because I was so desperate. But I kept calling and finally got her on the phone. I asked her if she wanted me to find another place to go because she wasn't returning my calls. She said she was just busy. So I went in one last time, and I don't remember what the reasoning was behind my NOT making another appointment with her right away, but I didn't, and I was never able to get her on the phone again. Now maybe she IS just busy and maybe she doesn't do well with returning calls, but what do I really think? I think she doesn't want to cut my hair anymore. I know that it isn't rational, and it doesn't make sense, but if I learned ANYTHING from 5th grade it is that PEOPLE do NOT make sense.