About Me

I am the mother to 6 children and former foster mother to 2. I am passionate about whatever it is I am passionate about, until I change my mind. I dream big, plan big, and once in a while I even make it big. We are planning to take our freak show on the road. Join us as we embark on a new adventure!

Sunday, July 15, 2007


I decided that I really wanted a travel trailer so we began our search. They were all priced high and Gary and I both agreed that we didn’t want to spend so much money. Then a figure (a very low figure) popped into my head. The next day I found one for exactly that amount online. Not only was the price prefect, but it was exactly what we wanted. However, from the minute I found the trailer it was an uphill battle. The seller talked more than ANYONE I have ever met before. She had me on the phone over an hour, but I now know where her mother lives, where her sister lives, where she used to live, where she works, the ages of her boyfriend’s kids, all about the trailer that her parents are giving her, two of her favorite campgrounds, the sheets that she used on the bunk beds, what type of soda she kept in her fridge, that her boyfriend works until 2am, and so on and so on.

I’m not even going to type out all the details prior to this morning, but everything involving getting this trailer was more work than it should have been. I didn’t have a good feeling about it, but the price was right, the pictures looked great, and I really wanted it. So much so that I pushed when I should have given up.

This morning I waited for two hours while the brake was installed then came home to get everyone else in the car in order to drive 3 hours to see (and purchase) the trailer. Just north of Portland the torrential downpours started. Ugh. We had to stop at the Portland Uhaul to buy a unique, three hundred dollar part that we would need to tow the trailer. It comes unassembled and needing large tools to assemble, something that was never mentioned despite my asking MANY times how hard it would be for me to install. I figured the seller would have tools and if not surely there would be a store nearby so we headed on.

Finally we arrive and we take it as a very good sign that the sun is out. The trailer that was supposed to be in a storage unit down the road was right out front (she must have gone to get it this morning), but it was locked and the seller wasn’t home. Eventually a neighbor came outside to let us know that she had left 2 hours earlier. WTF? We just drove 3 hours and spent a godawful amount of money to make this happen. She said, “I will be here ALL DAY!” and now she wasn’t home. Didn’t even leave the damn trailer unlocked. Then the sky opened up again and we took that as a sign to leave.

We went right back to Portland to return the special part and salvaged the day by going to Vinny’s for dinner. Unfortunately bad moods prevailed.

I told Gary that I feel like I am all out of sorts and can’t get back on track. I flipped out thinking that we missed our last swim lesson, which Gary pointed out hadn’t happened yet. I feel like everything I need to do requires me to run through water against the tide.

I admitted to Gary that I was happy that the seller wasn’t home because I didn’t have a good feeling about the trailer, things just needed to much help to make happen, and if she was there we would have bought it. It’s a weird feeling because on the surface it is so perfect…everything we want, but it still doesn’t feel right.

We returned home and I remembered that we had movies due. I came in to grab the movies and Gary yelled that there was an ambulance out front. Then there were two. Another neighbor yelled for the kids to come back to her house so I knew she had them. I got ready to walk out the door and noticed that the smallest child was back out front, alone, watching the “action” at her house. I walked over to the other neighbors and told her. She said she had the kids, and they could watch as long as they stayed out of the way. (?) She said their mom was really sick, incapacitated for about a week so they are now taking her in. I went home and started to leave, but I was trapped by the second ambulance so I had no choice but to sit and wait. Eventually they got her out of the house; she was barely conscious. I could see them putting her arms up on her chest and asking her to keep them there but they would just flop right back down. After 3 or 4 times they strapped her arms down. It was just awful to watch. It pushed me over the edge and I couldn’t keep the tears out of my eyes.

I returned my movies and thought about the woman who had the kids. She’s a single mom and it occurred to me that she couldn’t even run to the grocery with so many kids, so I went over to let her know she could call on me if she needed. Only when I opened my mouth all that came out were sobs. I stood in her front yard, with all of her kids and all of the sick neighbor’s kids watching me like I was sprouting another head as I sobbed and sobbed trying to tell her to call me if she needed anything. Then I sat in my van and sobbed a it more privately.

*And remember, I'm not even posting about foster care!

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