This is a funny letter that my dad sent to his agent regarding the book expo she attended to represent three of his books.
UNION OF STARVING SOUTHERN AUTHORS, LOCAL 524
Please complete this form carefully and accurately and return to Barry H*******
1. I recently went to Washington, D.C and:
A. Attended the BookExpo
B. Attended the BookExpo but only the cocktail parties and free dinners. I spent the rest of my time sightseeing in D.C. Did you know they have a baby Panda at the zoo?
C. I only went to get a vacation from my husband and kids. I never left my room. I ordered room service, ate bonbons and lived like the queen I should have been.
IF YOU ANSWERED A ON QUESTION 1. PLEASE PROCEED TO QUESTION 2.
2. I attended the BookExpo and I:
A. Spent my time visiting old friends and associates
B. Presented “Million Dollar Dolphins”, “Gator Feet” and “Twistory” to many publishers.
C: Spent all my time in the convention center bar getting loaded.
IF YOU ANSWERED B ON QUESTION 2. PLEASE PROCEED TO QUESTION 3.
3. At the BookExpo:
A. There were some publishers who agreed to look at this work.
B. There was a publisher who loved this work and will be sending a check this week.
C. I came to the conclusion that you’re a crappy writer Barry. No one liked your work and I heard that you sometimes fart in church.
THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO FILL OUT THIS REPORT. PLEAE MAKE SURE TO SUBMIT IT VIA E-MAIL TO THE UNION OF STARVING SOUTHERN AUTHORS, LOCAL 524 HEADQUARTERS IN A TIMELY MANNER.